What does a good client look like… and other potential career ending musings… 

People have been saying to me for years that I should write a book about life as a Personal trainer/Pilates teacher. However I see it a bit like “The Help”. - (if you haven’t read the book and seen the movie, DO! It’s superb and you will get my point! However there is no chocolate pie here…. ) 

The two things that I find the most infuriating are people turning up late to class, and chasing payment.. the first I just find extraordinarily rude, disruptive and inconsiderate to everyone else in the class ** and the latter I just hate having to do. It uses up my own, unpaid free time and is just uncomfortable. You wouldn’t go out for dinner or to the hairdresser without paying for the service so why do you think your Pilates class should be any different?!

** - those who are online and have already discussed this with me are not included in this! And I too have my moments!! 

Fortunately I have incredible clients and am blessed with decades of loyalty. I am only too aware of my many foibles and annoying ways so I hope you will allow me to share some of the experiences I have had over the years of what is possibly less than ideal in a class but often very amusing.

Timekeeping… as already mentioned. I put my hand up to the occasional blunder here but I am talking the regular late comer. Being habitually late is bad enough and is downright rude. It is to suggest that your time is more important than ours and although we all made the effort to get there on time to be prepared, you swan in and disrupt us all. However, … as if that isn’t bad enough…. 

1. Telling me and the entire class why you are late. In detail!
2. Making a huff and puff about getting your mat, sorting your shoes, your bag… and then sitting on your mat to set your smart watch before asking me what we are doing as you weren’t paying attention. (Always one of my favourites) 
3. All the above and then asking your neighbour what we are doing….
4. I teach at a lovely spa hotel where guests often join the class. One time, a man ran in 10 mins late. I quickly asked was he physically well etc. etc and we had our class. Every now and then he sat up and pointedly looked over at the weights rack. At the end of the class, I asked him if he attended Pilates regularly. No he said, he had never done a Pilates class in his life. “Well you just did” I informed him to which he replied “I wondered what was going on - I signed up for Kettlebells -”

Mobile phones. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear… The fact is that the second your phone pings, you are now distracted. Just turn it off for God’s sake for one hour?!!! However, 

1. Reading the message on your Smart phone instead 
2. Telling the whole class to “just ignore it” as it goes to voicemail and then voicemail rings, and again… and again… 
3. Telling us all that you are waiting for a very important phonecall. I’m curious - would you do the same in church? Your child’s prize giving? The theatre? 
4. Getting up off your mat, going over to your bag, taking out your phone, answering it and having a conversation -yes really!

The expert. 

1. Sitting up on your mat and correcting your neighbour, even though you have never met them before. 
2. Doing totally your own thing. While we are working through The Hundred, you randomly start doing a Shoulder Bridge
3. I had one attendee who told me that she had a strict exercise order and regime and that was what she was going to do - and she did. She just got on and did her own thing, on a mat at the front of the class and totally ignored us. When I asked her why she didnt just do her own workout and why she needed to be in my class, she told me that she always did her class on Friday at 10.30. Fair enough,.. 
4. Telling me for each exercise we performed, what the Yoga name was and just how like Yoga this was before then doing the Yoga equivalent and totally ignoring me. 

5. The “my teacher doesn’t teach it like that” attendee - when I explain that we all do teach differently she was undeterred and took it upon herself to demonstrate what she felt was more appropriate. Throughout the class....

Relaxation. 

I have had quite a few people dozing off over the years and if it as the end, in a relaxation time, then I take that as quite a compliment. The individual though, who would yawn throughout the entire class - loudly - very loudly, in my face in a mouth wide open “HOOOOOOoooooooooooo” type of style. 

Do you have any medical issues I need to be aware of? So important and something I will always ask but 

1. The very slim lady who had a tiny bit of a bump and was adamant she had nothing to mention despite me asking gently, quite a few times. We then started a pretty advanced class. She kindly mentioned at the end that she was expecting and was 32 weeks. I nearly passed out!
2. The one who turned up to class and advised that she had given birth FIVE DAYS BEFORE. I did on this occasion, direct her back home despite her arguing quite strongly. Quite frankly I was amazed she was up and dressed!
3. This is one example of something I have seen many times over the years. Idly watching out the window as this individual pulled up in the carpark, dropped her keys on the floor, picked them up, opened the boot, moved about some large bags, ran across the carpark, dropped her mat halfway and scooped it back up before stopping at the door, putting her hand on her back and telling me she had to be VERY CAREFUL as her back was playing up. 
4. I cant come to the (gentle, all levels back care) class as my back is really aching today… 

Payment.

1. So it’s a 6 week block but I am away on a very expensive holiday for one week so can I not pay for that week? YES OF COURSE - and don’t forget to ask the hotel for a refund if you don’t use all the towels or finish the soap. 
2. Can I pay you in Marks and Spencers vouchers? 
3. Oh I am £10 short - is that ok just this once?

Clothing. 

I have seen more than any woman should see of people’s nether regions. Let’s just say that fellas, if you are wearing baggy shorts, perhaps some cycle shorts underneath would help as otherwise please forgive me skipping the One leg circle, the leg opener, the Side lying series as the mouse can sometimes pop out of his house… 

Ladies - if you want to wear thongs (how though? I cannot imagine anything less comfy), PLEASE DEAR GOD do the squat test in front of the mirror first… 

A windy issue. 

It is fair to say that certain exercises can induce a little flatulence if unprepared and over the years, I have known what to avoid when certain people are in the class to spare their blushes. Not helpful though, the man who once said “Nice one - what a belter” before offering his own example. 

And finally….

1. Oh I hate this one/ I can never do this one. Well thanks for that - now the entire class is anticipating a negative outcome. How about you try a more positive approach?
2. I’ve just worked really hard in my Body Pump class -can we not work too hard (because it is all about me and I just used up all my energy in a different class)… possibly the toughest class I have ever taught
3. Pilates is a woman thing isn’t it “Love” - my wife has dragged me along but its not really a workout is it “Love”… actually, this is probably the toughest class I have EVER taught
4. Oh we love coming to your class. Our last teacher was just GORGEOUS and perfect and you make us feel much better about ourselves… 

5. “You know those exercises that you planned specifically for me to help me? Well guess what - they actually seem to be working”…. 

And a couple of funnies… 

Being summoned in to the aforementioned spa hotel for a private session for a VIP - literally no idea who she was and duly taught her. She was impressed and posted a selfie with me- my two daughters saw in on instagram and nearly passed out… 

The very sweet lady who asked me if I had ever met Joseph Pilates? (1883 - 1967)

Very pleasant man in my class commented on my leggings and told me the Spring Summer Sweaty Betty colours suited me… ok, weird but ok… then at the end asked me if I was a fan of the power leggings. Again, a bit weird… “You seem to know a lot about Sweaty Betty” said I. “Yes, I should do”, said he, “it’s my company”. 

Lastly - may I just say that I continue to love what I do, love my clients and am very lucky to work with so many fabulous people! 

Going online and Zoom blunders is a stand alone blog I think!!